How to practise self-love (of the mental wellbeing kind)

Key Points

• Self-compassion is the first step in learning how to practise self-love.
• Self-compassion includes skills such as empathy and kindness.
• Self-care and mindfulness are important tools in your journey to self-love.

Do you love yourself? Like, really love yourself in the same way you love your children or your partner or your best friend? When you listen to your self-talk, how do you speak about yourself? Do you accept yourself for who you are? Are you kind?

Self-love is all about seeing yourself as being worthy of love. It’s about respecting and valuing yourself. But Consultant Psychologist Dr Bec Jackson says that there’s an important step before self-love.

“Self-compassion is the doorway to self-love,” she explains. “Sometimes giving yourself compassion and self-care is more accessible, and then you can embrace self-love.”

No matter where you are in the journey to fully and wholly accepting yourself, Dr Bec shares her insights on how to practise self-love. 

The link between self-love and health

When you love someone, you naturally want the best for them.  Parents try to do whatever they can to look after their children’s health. They make appointments with the doctor if their kids feel unwell and ensure their children take any prescribed medication.

Do you do the same for yourself?

Suppose you’re still learning how to practise self-love. In that case, lack of a related concept – self-esteem – may also negatively affect your quality of life. Just some of these effects may include:

• low resilience
• persistent negative feelings
• problems with forming and maintaining relationships
• fear of trying or not being good enough

Self-love is all about seeing yourself as being worthy of love.

How to begin with self-love

If you’re ready to jump on the self-love train, Dr Bec suggests starting with self-compassion first. 

“Self-compassion includes skills like mindfulness, empathy and kindness,” she says. “Once you have those foundations, you can build on them towards self-love.”

So how can you start to practise self-love and self-compassion? Dr Bec suggests five things to try:

1. Self-care. Why is self-care important? A few five-minute self-care activities won’t make you love yourself instantly. But self-care is a practical way to show yourself kindness.
   
2. Don’t beat yourself up. If you’ve botched your work-life balance and succumbed to work-related stress, accept it for what it is and be kind to yourself. Try to do the same if you can’t get motivated, or your New Year's resolutions have fallen by the wayside.
   
3. Practise mindfulness. Whether you want to try some mindfulness colouring books or do a guided meditation, mindfulness may help you to break through the brain fog. It allows you to really tune into your thoughts and emotions.
   
4. Do things you love. Love to read? Cook? Dance? Whatever it is, find ways to bring more of that activity into your life to help you ‘fill your cup’.
   
5. Nourish your mind and body. If a friend needed to boost their energy when they were feeling tired, what would you tell them to do? Perhaps watch the effects of alcohol on their health? Eat lots of brain-healthy foods? Move their body? Drink plenty of water? Get enough sleep? Whatever it is, do the same for yourself to help nourish yourself inside and out.

Keeping a journal may help to build your self-esteem.

How to practise self-love after a breakup

Breakups suck. And it can be even harder to practise self-love when your heart is broken.

So how do you practise self-love when you’re in the process of getting over a breakup?

The results of one research study suggest that self-compassion may be helpful for people going through a divorce. As Dr Bec said earlier, “self-compassion is the doorway to self-love.”

Part of self-compassion is being kind to yourself. Try to treat yourself with the same compassion as you would a good friend who was in the same situation. 

Find ways to bring more of the activities that you love doing into your life to help you ‘fill your cup’.

The self-love week challenge

If you want to really kickstart your self-love journey, you could set yourself a challenge. Decide on your own self-love affirmations, and get into the habit of saying them daily for the whole week.

Here are some ideas for positive affirmations to use in the self-love challenge:

• I fully embrace and love myself for who I am.
• I love myself unconditionally.
• I am loved, respected and admired. 
• My ideas are worthy of sharing.
• I am capable of achieving my dreams.
• I know my boundaries and fearlessly stand up for myself.
• I am confident in myself. 
• I make time for myself.
• I allow myself to be who I am, without fear of what others think of me. 
• I’m allowed to say no.
• I give myself permission to work smarter, not harder.

Mindfulness might help you to really tune into your thoughts and emotions.

Self-love journal

Keeping a journal may help to build your self-esteem. As such, it might be something to consider doing on your journey towards self-love. 

Journaling may be good for our mental wellbeing. One research study found that people who journaled about the positive aspects of their lives and themselves may have experienced increased mental wellbeing as a result. 

And the beauty of a journal is that you can read back through it and reflect on how far you’ve come.

You could incorporate your self-love journal into your work-life balance planner, or start a new journal altogether. 

Self-love isn’t selfish

Sometimes, we have to look after ourselves first before we can look after others. Practising self-love is not selfish. Try the five tips Dr Bec suggested above to get started on your self-love journey today. 

Related:

• What is mindfulness and how can I start doing it easily?
• How to create habits you can actually stick to (for good this time)
• Hack your happiness with these proven techniques

Dr Bec Jackson is a Consultant Psychologist with 20 years’ experience across clinical psychology, academia, therapy and education in clinical, forensic and organisational psychology.

Reviewed by the healthylife Advisory Board February 2022.